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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27198157">Dream</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morpheus626/pseuds/Morpheus626'>Morpheus626</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lee's Rock/Queentober 2020 [25]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Queen (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canonical Character Death, FTM Reader, M/M, trans reader - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:13:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>765</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27198157</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morpheus626/pseuds/Morpheus626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Assigned band member for this prompt: Brian.</p>
<p>Synopsis: Trans M Reader (specifically the reader from You Send Me &amp; London By Night &amp; Get Down)/Brian. Freddie’s been gone for a bit, and grief and recovery are a slow process for everyone. This is a snapshot of what it looks like for the Reader during a night spent with Brian. </p>
<p>TW: Freddie’s passing. </p>
<p>My love to all who read/like/reblog.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>brian may/reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lee's Rock/Queentober 2020 [25]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You wake up, but can’t move. For a second, you breathe heavily, waiting for the sleep paralysis hallucinations that are surely imminent. </p>
<p>But you can wiggle your fingers and toes, and that doesn’t make sense at all. </p>
<p>It does however once you force your eyes open and find the source of your constriction: </p>
<p>Brian, arms wrapped around you and legs tangled in yours, eyes twitching rapidly under his eyelids, and his mouth screwed up in a troubled frown. The softest little whines occasionally escape his lips, but otherwise the only sign that he’s dreaming about something truly terrible are his fingers. </p>
<p>They dig in to hold you as close as possible, almost hurting, though you know he doesn’t mean to be causing you any harm, as deeply asleep as he is. </p>
<p>“Can you try waking up for me?” you ask softly, perhaps too softly. </p>
<p>Because he doesn’t budge, eyes still shut. </p>
<p>“Bri, darling,” a bit louder now. “Please? You’re dreaming, that’s all.” </p>
<p>A groan. If he’s hearing you, then it must seem like part of the dream, because his eyes don’t even flutter. </p>
<p>“Sweetheart,” one last try before you’ll have to be cruel and just wiggle yourself out of his grasp. “This hurts, please.” </p>
<p>His eyes shoot open, but you can tell he isn’t near fully awake. </p>
<p>“It’s alright,” you murmur. “You were only dreaming; you’re fine.”</p>
<p>He bursts into tears, mostly silent, as he hugs you close again, gently now. </p>
<p>You find the back of his neck under his curls and rest your hand there, your other hand rubbing his back in the hopes it might help soothe and wake him up completely. </p>
<p>Because it’s absolutely heart-breaking right now, how hard he shakes and heaves in between sobs, like he might physically break himself into pieces with the force of it. </p>
<p>“Would sharing it help?” you ask gently. “If not, then you don’t have to say. But if it would help, you know I’m here to listen.” </p>
<p>“He was okay,” Brian manages to choke out. “And in the dream, all we had to do was hang onto him tight enough to keep him with us. And we couldn’t. We tried, and it didn’t matter, there was nothing that worked...” </p>
<p>It’s nearly Christmas. Freddie will have been gone for about a month. </p>
<p>You hug him tighter, and fight off your own tears. </p>
<p>Everyone has told you, all of you, that it gets easier. After weeks, months, years. And the times you’ve all been together with John and Roger, Jim and Phoebe, it comes up. And it’s admitted that you all can nod and smile at whoever says it, but you can’t believe it, not yet. </p>
<p>Besides, it getting easier isn’t exactly what you want right now, messed up as it might be. You don’t want anything about him to fade, not even the pain of losing him. </p>
<p>The alarm clock buzzes for a moment before you can reach over to turn it off. You’ll call into work later, the little side job you kept up for when Queen wasn’t touring. </p>
<p>There’s more onus on you to keep that job now, but you can’t bring yourself to care about that at the moment. </p>
<p>Instead, you stay in bed with Brian. Because you can, because you need to, and because you’ve done the same for Roger the nights you’ve spent at his place (and would have done for John too, Ronnie had even reminded him and you that her permission was given for you to come by and be with him, but he hadn’t called to ask for you.) The tears dry for the time being, and Brian falls into a more peaceful and much-needed sleep. </p>
<p>You know what Freddie would say. You can’t stay in bed forever. You can’t keep languishing over tea and coffees with the lads, with Jim, with Phoebe, other days with all of them when everyone can pull themselves together well enough to go out. The world hasn’t stopped because there’s one less person in it, no matter how deeply you, his friends, or his husband loved him. </p>
<p>If you close your eyes, you can hear his voice in your ear. “The world hasn’t stopped, so why have you? Get up, keep moving. Do it for me.” </p>
<p>“We’re trying,” you murmur, as much to yourself as to Freddie, if he’s somewhere in the universe where he can even hear you. “We’ll get back up, all of us. I promise. Just...not right now.” </p>
<p>For now, the closest achievable goal is getting some decent sleep for Brian, and maybe for yourself as well. </p>
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